IN UTERO

“Feel here, it’s kicking
I think that bit’s its head”

“Well don’t poke it!
You might hurt it!
You’re pressing too hard!” he says

But it’s my body
They’re my hurts
And you’re not real yet

That you’re separate has never occurred to me

And I wonder now
If it will always be this way

When you take your first steps away from me
Or run for the hills instead of my arms
Will a part inside me tear?

Will it hurt like I’m afraid it will
When you’re too old to hold my hand?
More than the sickness
And the heartburn
And the blood to be?

For now
Fists have formed
Cells have ripened
Your eyes are open
And you’re lashing out
Taste buds blossom and flourish
You’re fattening up
In just a month
One whole splits into two

For you were never really me
Or mine

But even now
Eight months in
That disconnect
And yet connect
Are one and the same

A being in your own right
With your own whims
Your own pain and purpose

Growing still and always growing
Milestones and milestones

Leaving me
An empty pit

Where you used to be
A sack

I whined and bitched and moaned when you were in it
I take it all back