Natural World

Get out in nature, it’s free! They say
Purchase a piece at the end of your stay
Grab life roughly by the mane
Let it know you came

Brand it, price it, wrap it up
Chug it from a plastic cup
Wear a dryrobe as a coat
Watch the coke cans float

Curated nature for the masses
Up the climbing middle classes go
All Three Peaks in a day
Count your steps or who’s to say
You really did it?

£9 parking, reasonable
£12 starter? Seasonal
Peace sign in a strawberry field
Finisterre fleece, dog to heel
Don’t forget to bag its poo
And hang it on an ancient yew

Holiday down by the sea
Fold your trunks and flask your tea
Bring the buckets, pack a spade
And a beachball, a frisbee, towels, deckchairs, sunglasses, flip-flops, a cooler, a disposable barbecue and a bodyboard, just in case
Take a shell so you can say
You went to Cornwall yesterday
Stick it by the soap dish
And tick it off the bleddy list

Form a queue, check out the view
The water is a brilliant blue
How long do we have to look?
Honestly, who gives a fuck
Wild Swim a freezing loch
Fell Run for a TikTok
Thrash the Dales on your bike
Do it for the likes

Bin your salad shipped from Spain
Wilted in the bag again
It won’t be the first to rot
Exit through the gift shop